Small glimpse, Big miracle

This post is about mine and Luke's journey over the past year and a half as we have dealt with some trials including experiencing secondary infertility.  I get into more of the details of how it all began later on in this post, but for right now we want to express our joy over our exciting news.  We struggled for 15 months getting pregnant a second time, but we are excited to share that we are expecting another bundle of love this November.  Today we were able to have our first look at this new life growing inside me and found out that we are adding a boy to our family!  This being said, we wanted to express our empathy to all our friends who are struggling, or have struggled, with infertility.  We recognize that our situation was a mere glimpse to what others are going through and our prayers are always with those we know by name, and those we don't know, that their desires can be fulfilled someday.  We know what its like to be told that our only options are IVF, or having to get on clomid, or seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month.  We firmly believe more so now, that Heavenly Father knows us individually and hears our prayers.  And that sometimes painfully, doesn't always answer our prayers according to our own timetable.  He sees the bigger picture.  If you need someone to talk to I'm always here, and if you don't, I understand that too.  It's a personal journey that sometimes we feel like talking about and sometimes we don't.

Here is where I go into the details:
The year 2016 did not go as we had hoped or expected.  I went into my doctor for some pain I was having and was told (casually) that it could be cancer, liver or kidney disease, or heart failure.  Not something we were ever prepared to hear.  Particularly as we were a few months in of trying to add another member to our family.  Feeling more than a little nervous we waited, and waited.....as one test result after another very slowly came back.  All negative for anything serious.
This all took place over the course of the year and all the while we still weren't having any luck conceiving another child.  I went in for a laparoscopy to check if I had endometriosis, which I did.  Early stages of it.  And Luke had his numbers checked as well that came back abnormal unfortunately.  At this point our doctors were starting to wonder how we ever conceived our little girl Lottie, and began suggesting alternative treatments such as IVF or sperm donor.  Not being in a financial position to do expensive treatments we began to lose hope and almost give up on it altogether.  At probably the lowest point during all of this, my doctor suggested that I get on clomid (a fertility drug).  As soon as he handed me the prescription my heart sank.  I had friends who had to be on this drug and I had done my own research on it as well.  It involved a lot of side effects and risks as well as having to be closely monitored by my doctor while on it.  Not a drug to be taken lightly.
I got the prescription on a Friday and whenever I thought about filling it I got the biggest pit in my stomach.  I had to decide soon too because it follows your menstrual cycle.  The following Monday as Luke was playing with Lottie, I was washing the dishes.  For once I wasn't thinking about infertility, drugs, or treatments.  My mind was just blank as I stood there washing dishes when literally out of nowhere the thought came to me to go take a pregnancy test.  I thought that was odd because I hadn't missed my period yet and I wasn't even sure if I had a pregnancy test lying around.  So without saying a word to Luke I went to rummage through the bathroom cupboard for a test and I found one!  I was still skeptical because I hadn't missed my period and also because for the past 15 months I saw more than my fair share of negative pregnancy tests.  But I took it anyways.  And there they were.  TWO lines indicating a POSITIVE.  I thought I would be shocked, but I wasn't really.  I think I knew deep in my heart that it would be positive that time.  I quietly walked out to Luke and showed him the test.  He was extra surprised because he didn't even know what I had been doing that whole time!  It felt surreal.  And sometimes it still feels surreal to me!
I'm grateful it happened when it did because I had sunk pretty far into depression by this point.  And so I wouldn't have to take clomid after all.
Luke and I both feel so blessed, humbled, joyful, and a 100 other feelings about being able to raise another spirit, and have had our testimonies exponentially strengthened as a result of the experiences we had to go through.  We love and are indebted to our Father in heaven, as well as all of our friends and family who have always been there for us in our times of need.

{14 weeks}

{Me and baby boy at our first major league baseball game.  18 weeks.}

{I'm going to be a mom to a BOY!}

With love,
Robyn & Luke