Thursday, June 22, 2017

Baby #2 bumpdate, 19 weeks

I did the following update while I was pregnant with Charlotte, and while I started a lot sooner with her, I am trying to document the same things with this baby as much as I can.

So here goes ....

How far along: 19 weeks

Size of baby: The size of a large mango.  At my 18 week ultrasound he measured in the 93% for size!  At that time, a week ago, he was 10 oz., and measuring 6 days ahead of schedule.  At Charlotte's ultrasound she measured 4 days ahead of schedule at 19 weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: 11 lbs gained so far.

Maternity clothes: It's so hot I'm mostly wearing maternity shorts, but I can still wear my non maternity shirts.

Stretch marks: Just the stretch marks left over by Lottie so far.

Sleep: Aside from having a toddler that occasionally wakes me up in the middle of the night, and peeing at least twice during the night, I am mostly sleeping good.  Very vivid dreams though.

Best moment(s) last week: When Luke and I got to see this little boy for the first time and find out the gender.  It was my first real ultrasound (not counting the one from the ER at 15 weeks because they wouldn't let me look at the screen), and seeing him moving around and looking with eyes wide open was a beautiful moment.  Up until the ultrasound I thought I was having a girl, but watching him (while still not officially knowing the gender yet), I felt in my heart the tech would tell us we were having a boy.  I immediately felt a strong connection with him and Luke and I both began to tear up.  I know nothing about raising boys, but I am very excited to meet this little guy.

Movement: I get so concerned at times about this because he is not nearly as much a mover as his big sister was.  At least not yet.  I suppose it's still early.  But if I hold really still while lying down, I can feel tiny little movements.

Food cravings: I am just now starting to get interested in food again (I thought I was sick with Charlotte, but this baby definitely showed me what it feels like to be so sick).  So I guess currently Taco Bell and the BLT sandwich and fries from Farmer Boys'.

Gender:  A boy.

Labor signs: No.

Belly button - in or out: In.

What I miss: Liking food.  

What I am looking forward to: The delivery.  Every night when I go to bed I fall asleep thinking about when I'll get to meet this baby face to face.  And breastfeeding.  It's important to me that goes well.

*Sorry for not having any pictures.  I need to do better about taking bump pics.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Small glimpse, Big miracle

This post is about mine and Luke's journey over the past year and a half as we have dealt with some trials including experiencing secondary infertility.  I get into more of the details of how it all began later on in this post, but for right now we want to express our joy over our exciting news.  We struggled for 15 months getting pregnant a second time, but we are excited to share that we are expecting another bundle of love this November.  Today we were able to have our first look at this new life growing inside me and found out that we are adding a boy to our family!  This being said, we wanted to express our empathy to all our friends who are struggling, or have struggled, with infertility.  We recognize that our situation was a mere glimpse to what others are going through and our prayers are always with those we know by name, and those we don't know, that their desires can be fulfilled someday.  We know what its like to be told that our only options are IVF, or having to get on clomid, or seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month.  We firmly believe more so now, that Heavenly Father knows us individually and hears our prayers.  And that sometimes painfully, doesn't always answer our prayers according to our own timetable.  He sees the bigger picture.  If you need someone to talk to I'm always here, and if you don't, I understand that too.  It's a personal journey that sometimes we feel like talking about and sometimes we don't.

Here is where I go into the details:
The year 2016 did not go as we had hoped or expected.  I went into my doctor for some pain I was having and was told (casually) that it could be cancer, liver or kidney disease, or heart failure.  Not something we were ever prepared to hear.  Particularly as we were a few months in of trying to add another member to our family.  Feeling more than a little nervous we waited, and one test result after another very slowly came back.  All negative for anything serious.
This all took place over the course of the year and all the while we still weren't having any luck conceiving another child.  I went in for a laparoscopy to check if I had endometriosis, which I did.  Early stages of it.  And Luke had his numbers checked as well that came back abnormal unfortunately.  At this point our doctors were starting to wonder how we ever conceived our little girl Lottie, and began suggesting alternative treatments such as IVF or sperm donor.  Not being in a financial position to do expensive treatments we began to lose hope and almost give up on it altogether.  At probably the lowest point during all of this, my doctor suggested that I get on clomid (a fertility drug).  As soon as he handed me the prescription my heart sank.  I had friends who had to be on this drug and I had done my own research on it as well.  It involved a lot of side effects and risks as well as having to be closely monitored by my doctor while on it.  Not a drug to be taken lightly.
I got the prescription on a Friday and whenever I thought about filling it I got the biggest pit in my stomach.  I had to decide soon too because it follows your menstrual cycle.  The following Monday as Luke was playing with Lottie, I was washing the dishes.  For once I wasn't thinking about infertility, drugs, or treatments.  My mind was just blank as I stood there washing dishes when literally out of nowhere the thought came to me to go take a pregnancy test.  I thought that was odd because I hadn't missed my period yet and I wasn't even sure if I had a pregnancy test lying around.  So without saying a word to Luke I went to rummage through the bathroom cupboard for a test and I found one!  I was still skeptical because I hadn't missed my period and also because for the past 15 months I saw more than my fair share of negative pregnancy tests.  But I took it anyways.  And there they were.  TWO lines indicating a POSITIVE.  I thought I would be shocked, but I wasn't really.  I think I knew deep in my heart that it would be positive that time.  I quietly walked out to Luke and showed him the test.  He was extra surprised because he didn't even know what I had been doing that whole time!  It felt surreal.  And sometimes it still feels surreal to me!
I'm grateful it happened when it did because I had sunk pretty far into depression by this point.  And so I wouldn't have to take clomid after all.
Luke and I both feel so blessed, humbled, joyful, and a 100 other feelings about being able to raise another spirit, and have had our testimonies exponentially strengthened as a result of the experiences we had to go through.  We love and are indebted to our Father in heaven, as well as all of our friends and family who have always been there for us in our times of need.

{14 weeks}

{Me and baby boy at our first major league baseball game.  18 weeks.}

{I'm going to be a mom to a BOY!}

With love,
Robyn & Luke

Monday, April 24, 2017

Lottie is T H R E E

Charlotte Hope turned 3 years old on Friday, April 21, 2017.  That was the day we had her open her present in front of a camera announcing she would be a big sister.



The next day is when we celebrated with friends at the park.  Sadly all her little girl friends were either out of town or busy that day so it was just her and the boys.

{Levi, Royce, Lottie, Elliot, Josh}


Charlotte is a joy to be around.  She loves to laugh (fake laugh too), play soccer, and swim - although she refuses to jump in the water or do anything that might make her head go under water.  She is no longer afraid of the doctor and even loves to pretend play being a doctor/patient.  She was so brave at her 3 year check up!

She is in the 85% for height, and the 60% for weight.  She went from calling me mommy, to mom, to mama in a matter of 3 weeks!  Currently she is still on mama and it just about kills me every time she grabs on to me saying, "I love you, Mama!"  There's just something about the word "Mama" that speaks to my soul.  Maybe because that's what she first started out saying when she learned how to start talking.
She stopped taking her paci a few months ago when I noticed she was chewing holes into them.  One day I showed her what she had done and told her it was broken so it needed to be thrown away.  She threw it away herself and hasn't looked back.  Although once her twice at bedtime she would ask for it and when I would remind her she had broken it her response was, "Paci broken?  Oh, you're right." And that was that.  She is also potty trained - aside from at night when she wears a pull up.
I could probably keep on going but I think I'll just show some of my favorite recent photos of her.

 {Celebrating her birthday at Red Robin. She didn't even eat any of that ice cream.}

{Spring break - San Diego Zoo & Carlsbad Beach}

I love you so much Charlotte Hope Phillips!!!!

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Come play, Mommy

I've been thinking a lot lately about my role as a mother.  Charlotte's mother.  She has so much incredible energy and at times, I feel exhausted just watching her literally run from activity to activity.  She has a huge personality and is as independent as they come.
She is currently holding a pretend phone up to my ear telling me to say "Hello".  She is in the stage right now where her imagination is bursting at the seams.  My heart jumps when I see her gently holding her baby dolls feeding them their bottles, or when she is at her play kitchen making me lunch and tells me to blow on my food because "Its hot, Mommy!"
She has my heart to say the least.

Not long ago, whenever I would hear her say those words, "Come play, Mommy" my first instinct was, "I'm too busy."  She always seemed to catch me right as I was starting on laundry, or making phone calls, or jumping in the shower..... And my response was always, "Later sweetie, Mommy's busy."  Gosh, I wish I could go back and change my response.

One day after giving her my usual answer, a thought hit me like a ton of bricks, but as soft as a feather at the same time.  Go play with her.  Charlotte has always been so independent that she has never really "needed" me, if that makes sense.  She is a social butterfly.  So I was content to let her do her thing.  But I decided right then and there that I would (as much as humanly possible) say yes when she invites me.  I consider it an honor and joy to be invited by my daughter to go into her world of imagination.  Because I know that if I continue to reject her invitation, eventually, she's going to stop asking.  And that right there terrifies me.  So I am going to show her that I WANT to spend time with her.

Now, I look forward to her wanting to play with me and will cherish forever the words, "Come play, Mommy.  Come play with me."

I love you Lottie.