Sunday, June 19, 2011

Who I Am

Lately I have been reminiscing on my dancing experiences here at BYU-I.... I have been having a hard time with the thought of it ending very soon.  I actually broke down the other night unexpectedly because it suddenly hit me that not too long from now, I will no longer have the privilege of being a part of the dance program here.  In my Dance History class I found out that this program is actually the second largest in the world, I feel very proud to know that I am a part of it.  
Last week in Sunday school, we talked about talents and how each of us have different ones that we are strong in.  I know that I am far from being a prima ballerina, but it made me realize that dance is how I express myself, it is how I share my testimony of the Gospel and my love for my Heavenly parents.  I once wrote a paper on Merce Cunningham, a famous Post Modern choreographer.  He said, "[Dance] gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive."  That's exactly how I feel when I am up on that stage, my adrenalin rushing and heart pounding, I feel alive.  
This semester I have also felt that way being a director.  Seeing something that I have created slowly come to life is an exciting feeling and one that I hope never to take for granted-which is actually the point I am trying to make with this drawn out monologue.  In Dance History one day, we were discussing dance and the LDS church and how it has always been a part of our heritage beginning with the pioneers.  Brigham Young especially encouraged it at Winter Quarters to strengthen and uplift the struggling saints.  My teacher Gary Larsen bore his testimony of dance and how we shouldn't take for granted all that we are able to learn from the various instructors here.  He said that one day, someone is going to find out that we dance, whether it be in our wards, stakes, or communities.  He said that they will ask for our help in creating and carrying out activities and events and that our testimonies and those of others would be strengthened by doing that.  He also shared a scripture that really touched me, Doctrine & Covenants 130:2 reads, "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy."  I love that scripture because it is a reassurance to me that I will be able to continue dancing even in the eternities with more glory than I can understand right now.

I apologize for this novel, it was really more for me and that I felt like I needed to write it down.  With the shows coming up this weekend I have been having bittersweet feelings; part of me needs it to end so I can de-stress (is that a word?), but the other part of me knows that I will be sad when it is over.  Whatever the case, I will forever be grateful for the knowledge, experiences, and memories I have gained here.

First time performing at BYU-I.  I'm the one on the left.

5 comments:

dlpower said...

You are amazing and so talented. You have grown so much in the past year and it's been wonderful to see that. You are full of confidence in your talents and abilities. Love it. Good luck this weekend! Love and miss you!

Shea and Kay-Marie said...

You are such a strong person with an amazing talent. Your vibrant personality and attitude towards life shines. You should be proud!

Robyn Smith said...

Thanks so much you guys. I really wish you could see the show. Laura you have always believed in me, thank you. Kay-Marie are you still in Rexburg? Because if so we need to hang out again, I need to see baby Connor I bet he is getting so big!

Kaydee and Emma said...

Robyn, you are so talented and gifted. I know that you love dancing and are stressed about leaving, but don't think that when you graduate you won't be able to dance anymore. Like you said, its who you are. I know the show will be great and you will keep doing what you do:) I love you and can't wait to see you in CO!

Juli said...

you are very talented and these are great times that you will always miss but it won't be a sad miss. you have a lot to look forward to that will be equally if not more rewarding just in different ways. life is good in all it's stages.