Sunday, December 8, 2013

Storms & rainbows

This past week has been really good.  The reason I say that is because since we've moved to Washington, I have been struggling with whether or not it was the right decision.  From the very first day we arrived I have been sick from my pregnancy, and now as a result, I associate everything here with feeling crappy and miserable.

I have missed my friends and family, having a temple 3 minutes away, the places where Luke and I have been creating memories since we've met, etc., but most of all I sincerely miss having my own little home to take care of and feel like I belong.  I am grateful that we have the opportunity to save money right now by house-sitting, and to learn and grow from this experience. However it is not my home, they are not my dishes that I am serving dinner with, it is not my bed that I am sleeping in.  This place, in my mind, is only a temporary blip in our lives and so that is how I have been handling it thus far.  I have had no desire to make friends here or even create any memories for that matter because I have had the mindset that I want to forget everything about this place as soon as we leave. to why this has been a good week....

Lately I've been praying very hard that I might not only feel better physically, but that I might let Heavenly Father open my heart to this experience we must go through.  This whole time I have been fighting and fighting it because I felt that if I accepted this place as my home, then I would be resigning myself to the fact that we actually must live here for the time being and that I must try to be happy.

I didn't want to be happy here.  All I wanted was to go back to what I was familiar with and what I had grown accustomed to.  I did NOT want to be tried and tested and stretched so that I could learn and grow.

But something changed this past week.  I actually had the desire and motivation to be happy with every part of this experience.  If Heavenly Father needs me to learn something from this then I will.  And I will be HAPPY at the same time.  Because I have the choice.  I can sit and wallow in self-pity and make everyone around me miserable too (Luke), or I can make the most of it.  I am holding onto the hope that not only will I learn something from this, but remembering also that trials don't last forever.  Something great is waiting at the end for us, whenever that may be.  It will be great.  There is a rainbow   out there waiting for the storm to pass.

1 comment:

Janai Smith said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. We all miss you both SO much!! I think that picture is to cute, and your hair is getting REALLY long!